


A Day in the Life of Edward the Dog

by Fox_In_A_Box



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, M/M, One Shot, POV Edward the Dog, POV Outsider, Season/Series 05, Yes you read that right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-08 23:16:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20843657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fox_In_A_Box/pseuds/Fox_In_A_Box
Summary: As two notorious criminals prepare to leave Gotham before it turns into a wasteland, we take a peek at the daily life of a very spoiled bulldog, his owner and said owner's dear friend.





	A Day in the Life of Edward the Dog

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, I was struck with this dumb idea while looking at season 5 gifs and it kept coming back until I sat down and actually started to write something to go with it. This is the result, sooo…hope you enjoy, I guess?

If you were to ask Edward what his absolute favourite thing was, he would have struggled to answer. Not only because he was a dog and therefore not gifted with the ability to speak and understand human language, but also because there were so many amazing things he saw and did in the repetitive course of his daily life that picking only one would have been impossible.

For one, he absolutely loved playing with Master. When he was in a good mood, Master would whistle for him. After making sure that Edward was paying attention, Master would give him some simple commands. He would tell him "sit" and Edward would sit. He would tell him "speak" and Edward would bark happily as Master laughed. Sometimes Master would hold out three of his fingers and say something like "bang!" - that was his cue to collapse on the ground with his paws in the air. It was so much fun! Almost as fun as playing fetch, really.

Edward loved going for walks, too. It was such a pity that Master was often too busy to accompany him on a short stroll around the perimeter of City Hall. When Master was away or otherwise engaged, the task of walking him would be given to a strange little man who smelled of nervousness. Only once he had led Edward further from home than he had ever dared to go on his own; through the metal fence, down the street and to a place full of all kinds of humans Edward had never met before. It had been an exciting adventure, if immensely tiring for a dog of Edward's size. Luckily, he hadn't had to wait long for Master to show up and take him back home. Edward hadn't seen the nervous man since, but it was just as well. Now it was Master himself who took him out for walks, almost every other day. What could he ask for more?

Even better than walkies and playing fetch, though, was when Master would sit at his table to eat, with Edward sitting obediently by his side. For the following hour or so, Master would enjoy his meal while occasionally bending down to stroke Edward's head and offer him the tastiest bites of his food. Master would often talk to him as they ate and, even if Edward didn't understand a single word he said, he was more than happy to listen. In the end, he was always rewarded with more morsels of food straight from Master's plate and, on one memorable occasion, with the severed finger of the unlucky underling who had thought it a good idea to interrupt. The meat wasn't as savoury as he had hoped, but the bone had been endless fun to chew and play with.

If you were to ask him about the one thing he despised the most, however, finding the answer would have been easy enough. Not many things caused him as much trouble as getting up in the morning. Persuading himself to open his eyes and leave behind the warm comfort of his pillow by the fireplace was always a daunting task.

Alas, that day was no different.

As the first rays of sunlight pierced through the curtains, Edward stirred. He stretched out all four of his legs without opening his eyes. No, not yet. He lingered a few minutes more, trying to remember the details of the dream he was having before the sun had been so rude to interrupt.

It had something to do with a group of Scary Bad Men, all dressed in black, trying to grab him and take him away. Where to, Edward wasn’t sure, but he was positive it wasn’t going to be a pleasant place. Panicked, Edward had retaliated by biting down on one of the many arms extended towards him. It was then that a horrifying nightmare had morphed into the sweetest dream. Much to his surprise, he had found that the Bad Man's arm tasted exactly like the smoked sausages the Woman Who Prepared Master's Food always left for him on a small plate on the kitchen floor. The picture was so vivid in his mind that he swore he could still smell it, or even taste the delicious flavour on his tongue.

Edward sniffed the air, just to make sure. And indeed, the scent was still there! His eyes shot open as he rolled out of bed. He stretched some more, front legs first. Once he was up and ready, he set out to locate the source of the incredible smell.

He padded down the halls, already drooling profusely from his open mouth. There was no mistaking it, it came from the room Master always ate his food in. Edward only hoped that he hadn't finished having breakfast yet. Now, that would have been a disappointment!

"Edward! Come here, my handsome boy," Master exclaimed the moment he saw him come through the open door. As expected, he was sitting alone at the table in front a plate full of...well, something that Edward couldn't quite see from down there, but that smelled rather inviting.

Recognising the sound of his own name, he barked two times in confirmation. _Yes! It's me!_

"I have something for you," Master went on, gesturing for him to come closer. Edward didn't have to be told twice.

Master picked something from his plate and tossed it into the air. Edward jumped up to catch it in his mouth. Smoked sausages, he had been right! The flavour was even better than he remembered it. He wagged his stump of a tail to let Master know just how grateful he was.

"Look at you, such a good boy!"

Edward wagged his tail harder. He knew what the last two words meant - Master always said that when Edward did something right. And if Master was happy with him, Edward was happy too.

He eagerly waited for another piece of sausage to be thrown his way. Instead, Master raised from his chair and walked over, picking him up. An affectionate kiss was placed on top of his wrinkly head. Edward responded with an equally affectionate lick at master's cheek. It seemed like his heroic feat of crawling out of bed had been rewarded, after all. So far, Edward's day was going splendidly. Until...

Until his nostril twitched, detecting a change in the air. A new smell, simultaneously similar and very different from Master's. A smell Edward had grown somewhat familiar with. It wasn't unpleasant, he decided. At least it was better than the stench that hung around the Girl Who Wasn't A Cat But Smelled Like One who had come to visit Master a couple of times. But it was strange. Out of place. Edward felt like it didn't belong there, and yet he had started smelling it all around the house ever since Master's new friend had shown up. In the living room, in the kitchen, sometimes even in Master's own bedroom!

Ah, speak of the devil!

No more than a few of seconds later, the Tall Human made his appearance. From his privileged position in Master's arms, Edward watched him yawn and remove that strange transparent thing he always kept balanced on his nose, only to put it back on after he had finished rubbing his eyes.

"Good morning, Edward," Master said.

"'Morning," The Tall Human responded.

Edward looked up at Master, expecting to receive a command or some form of praise, but nothing happened. Master wasn't even looking at him. Edward was puzzled. He always was when _that_ happened and it wasn't the first time it did, either. In fact, it happened more and more often since the Tall Human had started living with them at City Hall.

Edward would hear Master calling his name from another room, so he would rush to join him as fast as his short legs allowed. Was he going to give him a treat? Was he going to help him put on his leash and take him for a walk? Did he just want to cuddle with Edward? The possibilities were endless! And yet, when Edward eventually approached him, he always found him in the company of the Tall Human. Even stranger, Master would act as if Edward wasn't even there! He would keep talking to the Tall Human and touching the Tall human, until Edward barked loud enough to attract his attention.

It seemed like it was going to be one of those days where Master kept calling for "Edward!" and never realised his beloved puppy was right there in front of him. Or, in this specific case, cosy in his arms. It didn't matter. Maybe Master wasn't that smart, so what? Edward wouldn't dream of loving him any less because of it.

The Tall Human dropped on an empty chair next to Master's, who set Edward down on the floor to join him. "Excuse my bluntness, but you look terrible."

The Tall Human's eyebrows did something funny. "Do I? Well, maybe it's because I've been staying up all night trying to fix the radar system. You know the only thing that stands between us reaching the mainland in one piece and the shredded remains of our dead bodies sinking to the bottom of the river! You haven't lifted a finger yet, while I spend my days locked inside that library, working on our escape plan!"

The exact meaning of the words he had spoken was lost on Edward, but the way they had been uttered left little to the imagination. He growled, deep and menacing. Those who made the unforgivable mistake of raising their voice at Master never lived long enough to tell the tale. And while Master seemed to be reticent to punish the Tall Human for his insubordination, the same could not be said for Edward himself. If need be, he was more than happy to step in and settle the score.

Just as he made to sink his pointy fangs in the flesh of the Tall Human's calf, Master's hand came down to give him a gentle pat on the head. The calming gesture had him hesitating. "You upset Edward."

The Tall Human replied with a snort.

"Besides, you're no use to me if you can barely keep your eyes open."

"Oh, so you're the one in charge now? Last I checked this was a partnership, but I suppose I can't be surprised. That's Oswald Cobblepot for you, sitting on his throne while his allies are slaving way to satisfy all of his whims. Yes, Mr. Penguin and no, Mr. Penguin and right away, Mr. Penguin!"

Edward could smell the tension in the air. He didn't like it. He didn't like it at all. In spite of the reassuring presence of Master's hand still lingering on top of his head, he tensed. A wrong move from the Tall Human and he was ready to jump into action.

"I...I may have phrased it the wrong way," Edward expected Master to be enraged, to snarl at him and show him his place, but he did nothing of the sort. He sounded surprisingly calm, almost...sad? "What I was trying to say is - you shouldn't strain yourself. I hate seeing you like this. Exhausted, constantly on edge. Believe me when I say I'd sleep more soundly if I knew you were getting some rest as well, once in a while."

"I know, Oswald. Sometimes I just--" the Tall Human let out a strange sound. Something Edward rarely heard coming out of a human's mouth, more akin to a dog's frustrated growl.

"I'm sure you know, Edward," Master's voice had changed again. It was lower now, soothing. It reminded Edward of when he was a small puppy and a sudden loud noise would scare him into hiding under Master's bed. It was the very same tone he used to reassure him, to persuade him to come out and to show him that there was nothing to be afraid of. "That I wouldn't have come to you asking for help if I wasn't one hundred percent sure you could make it. You're the most talented, brilliant man I've ever met. I have faith in you, Ed. Sometimes more than I have in myself. So please, get a good night's sleep. It'll clear your head."

Edward saw Master reach out; the same hand that had patted his head now stretched out towards the Tall Human. He wondered if he was going to strike him. In Edward's honest opinion, he more than deserved it.

The movement that came afterwards, however, was devoid of any violence. Master pressed the palm of his hand against the Tall Human's cheek, stroking it lightly. Not unlike the way he used to absentmindedly stroke Edward's back when he lay in his lap, dozing off at the end of an eventful day. Which was absurd, really. The Tall Human wasn't a dog. He was, by definition, a human. And humans don't pet their fellow humans as if they were animals...or do they? Still, the Tall Human seemed to enjoy the gesture just as much as Edward did, even tilting his head to the side to lean more into the touch.

Just like that, Edward felt the tension around him melt away. Master and the tall Human stared at each other in silence for a long time. Then the Tall Human said something else, but Edward had already stopped paying attention. Deeming the rest of conversation uninteresting, Edward decided to leave.

*

It was heart-breaking.

It always was, no way for Edward to get used to it. He was well aware that no amount of whining and headbutting his leg would persuade Master to stay, yet he tried nonetheless. The outcome was always the same, much like the words Master spoke to him before departing.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I won't stay out long. You'll be a good boy for me while I'm away, won't you? I know you will."

Where was he going? Why couldn't he take Edward along? How long until he came back? Would he even come back at all? So many questions, not a single answer to be found.

Feeling utterly miserable, Edward slumped back onto his pillow. Maybe if he took a long nap Master would be there when he woke up. Rather unlikely, but still worth the try. If dogs could sigh, Edward would have sighed. Who knew his day could take such a horrible turn? One moment he was hunting the tiny winged creature that had somehow found its way into the house through one of the windows, he was a happy pup without a care in the world; the next Master was gone and he was alone in their big, empty house.

Well, not exactly alone. The Tall Human walked past him, not even bothering to spare him a glance. As he watched him disappear behind a corner, Edward knew he had to follow him. With Master away on his errands, there wasn't much else he'd rather be doing anyway.

He raised to his feet and tottered after him, first through a corridor, then down a long flight of stairs. The Tall human didn't seem to notice him. Or, if he did, he simply ignored him. When they reached the door at the bottom of the staircase, Edward made to follow him inside but a leg was quickly placed between him and the threshold. Unperturbed, Edward tried to circle around it, only to be denied access once more. He sat back on his haunches, then, looking up at the Tall Human.

"Oh, no no no. You can't come in," he said.

Edward tilted his head. He recognised the word "come", which was something Master usually said when he wanted Edward to follow him. Why was he trying to keep him from doing that, then? _I think he's a bit confused,_ Edward reasoned. So he tried bypassing the obstacle once again. For the third time, he was stopped before he could set a single paw inside.

The Tall Human sighed, his body language shifting from tired to visibly irritated. What had prompted the change, though, Edward couldn't tell.

"I know Oswald lets you do whatever, but I can't have you stumbling around the lab while I'm working."

With that, the Tall Human turned around and slammed the door shut. For the second time in the span of just a few minutes, Edward felt abandoned. It was so unfair! Why was the Tall Human allowed to have all kinds of fun on the other side of the door and poor Edward was forced to stay outside, bored and alone?

He waited a bit longer, in the vain hopes the Tall Human would have a change of heart and come back to let him in. As nothing happened, he settled for manifesting his anguish by scratching his blunt claws against the closed door. Repeatedly. Adding a desperate, low-pitched howl here and there to make sure his point would come across. After a great deal of scratching and howling, the door was thrown open from the inside. Edward was so busy lamenting his pitiful condition of neglected pup that he didn't even hear the Tall Human's footsteps approaching and found himself stumbling forwards when his front paws lost their purchase.

"Alright, you know what? You win," the Tall Human scooped him up. "But you stay here. Right here, don't move."

_Here_ was the old leather armchair he was ungracefully dropped on. Edward fantasized about punishing his disgraceful lack of politeness with a bite at one of those long skinny fingers of his, but before he could enact his revenge the Tall Human was already out of reach. Edward watched him wander to the other side of the room and stop in front of a large table with a number of mysterious objects laid out on it. He couldn't tell what any of them was, or even what their purpose might be. He was particularly interested in the ones that seemed to shine when light caught upon their smooth surface. Suddenly, he was seized by the urge to get a closer look.

He waited patiently until the Tall Human was distracted by whatever he was fiddling with, then jumped down from the armchair. He he had made it almost halfway across the room when he saw him turn around and point a finger right at him. "Don't. You. Dare. Go back to your place!"

Authoritative. A voice you really, really don't want to mess with. As much as he would have loved to disobey the command out of pure spite, the part of him that wanted nothing more than to be a good boy suggested him to comply. He bowed his head, defeated. With some serious effort, he climbed back up and laid down on the cushion, head resting on his paws.

The main attraction of every library is, of course, books and the library situated on lower floor of City Hall housed one of the most impressive collections of law and history books Gotham City could offer. But since dogs don't have much use for either books or legislation, there was nothing left for Edward to do other than sit still and observe the Tall Human from afar. And observe he did.

With one Edward hard at work and his canine namesake watching over his progress with big curious eyes, this would be as good a place as any to talk some more about the bulldog's relationship with his Master's dear friend.

Edward didn't hate the Tall Human. He just didn't particularly like him either. Unlike Master, he never reached down to scratch that wonderful spot behind his ears, and when Edward ran up to him with one of his favourite toys in his mouth, he had hardly even acknowledged his presence. After several failed attempts he had also found out that there was no way to persuade the Tall Human to play with him, as both wagging his tail and whining insistently were of no use.

Perhaps Edward would have liked him a little more if he refrained from constantly stealing away Master's attention, sometimes to the point that Edward resorted to announcing himself by barking as loud as he could to get Master to notice him. Oh, those were the worst days of all! The ones where Master locked himself in his room with the Tall Human and didn't come out for what felt like ages, leaving Edward to wander aimlessly around the house.

"Oh, crud!"

Edward's ears perked up. He raised his head just in time to see one of the mysterious shiny tools slip from the Tall Man's grasp, fall to the ground with a clattering noise, then skid across the polished floor.

Edward saw his chance and took it. With a leap, he was on it. Unbeknownst to him, what he had just gotten his paws on was a screwdriver. A very important screwdriver, by the looks of it, as the Tall Human let out a series of angry sounds which included the phrase "no, bad dog!". Edward recognised it from the rare reprimands he received from Master. This time, however, he didn't listen.

The Tall Human stepped towards him, but Edward was quicker. He ducked to the side, putting more distance between them. If his jaws hadn't been clamped down on his new toy, he would have barked with delight. Finally he wanted to play with him!

Their little game went on for some time, Edward evading the Tall Human's grasp by mere millimetres each time he tried to lunge at him. It soon escalated into a full-blown chase that had both of them knocking over lamps and stacks of books in their haste, some of which produced a most satisfying sound when they hit the floor.

It all came to an abrupt halt when Edward made the mistake of trying to outrun his pursuer by taking a shortcut through the Persian rug. His paws slipped on the smooth fabric and he was sent careening towards one of the massive bookshelves lined along the walls. The impact made him feel rather dizzy, to the point that he was forced to loosen his grip on the strange object. With surprising swiftness, the Tall Human reached out and snatched it way before Edward had a chance at pulling himself back up.

"Great, now it's covered in saliva," he muttered to himself, as he produced a stained piece of cloth from his pocket and started rubbing the screwdriver clean. Edward yapped contentedly at him. _It was fun! Let's do it again!_

The Tall Human shot him a glance he struggled to interpret. Then, he crouched down to look at him dead in the eye. "Listen here, you pathetic little canine. I'm only putting up with your infuriating behaviour for Oswald's sake. If it was up to me, I would not hesitate to kick you out in the streets. And don't think you can earn my pity with those empty puppy eyes. It won't work. Maybe it works with Oswald, but not with me. So I suggest you start reconsidering your attitude, or else..."

It was a nice speech. Many Gothamites would have cowered in fear at the mere prospect of being addressed with such harsh, threatening words by none other than the Riddler. Too bad Edward's brain wasn't designed to elaborate the complexity of human language. The Tall Human might as well have been telling him how delighted he was to have Edward around, the result would have been pretty much the same. He stared back at him, unblinking, tongue lolling out of his open mouth as he tried to catch his breath.

The Tall Human closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "What am I doing, talking to a dog? Maybe Oswald was right. I _do _need a good night's sleep."

*

The sun was already starting to set when the Tall Human left the basement with Edward in tow. After the incident with the screwdriver, the Tall Human had been more lenient with him. He had even lent him one of his tools for Edward to play with! A different one, which made a funny noise when Edward shook it in his jaws, that had managed to keep him occupied for the rest of the afternoon.

The moment Edward's nose sniffed a very familiar scent, he rushed forward along the corridor and jumped right into Master's waiting arms - well, tried to anyway. He was only able to jump as high as his knees, which sent them both tumbling down on the floor. It didn't seem to bother Master much, though, as he began to laugh as soon as Edward started licking his face all over.

"Seems like your dog just tried to murder you," the Tall Human remarked.

"An innocent mistake, Edward loves me far too much to even think about hurting me on purpose," Master's statement was accompanied by a long session of belly rubs that sent Edward to seventh heaven. He rolled onto his back, closed his eyes and let himself enjoy it thoroughly.

"Dogs are animals, Oswald. They don't have feelings, only instinct and biological needs. It's irritating when people insist on giving them human characteristics they clearly don't possess. They can't _love_."

"Whatever you say, Ed. Whatever you say."

Dinner was uneventful. Edward sat by master's chair, as usual. They ate their respective meals together, also as usual. The Tall Human's presence didn't bother him as much as it did before. Their game of chase was going to mark the start of a beautiful friendship, Edward was sure. He just needed to be patient.

The house was quiet when, sometime later, Edward decided to join Master in the bedroom. He yawned and yawned as he made his way upstairs, one step at a time, giddy at the prospect of falling asleep by Master's side. Nothing could have prepared him for what he saw right after he pushed the door open with his paws and walked inside.

Not only wasn't Master alone on the bed, but Edward's favourite spot was already taken. By the Tall Human, of all people! There he was, curled up against Master, with his head resting on Master's shoulder. The unexpected discovery left Edward at a loss.

He sat there, in the half-darkness, pondering about what he should do. His first instinct was to growl, show his teeth, act as menacing as he could muster to let the Tall Human know exactly what he thought about his disrespectful behaviour. Maybe even chase him out of the bedroom, just to make sure he wouldn't repeat his mistake ever again. Seeing how his past attempts at scaring him away from Master had failed miserably, though, this first option was soon dismissed. Only two remained: either he accepted his defeat and went back to his pillow in the living-room, or he did his very best to ignore the Tall Human and snuggle as close to Master as possible. Any other day, he would have settled for the first option, but today? Today Master had been away far too long for Edward's liking. He desperately needed to make up for it.

And so, he attempted to jump up on the bed. He made it on the second try. Careful not to disturb the Tall Human, he circled around his sleeping body until he could comfortably settle down in the small space left between him and Master. As soon as he closed his eyes, Edward felt the mattress shift under him. A groan reached his ears.

"Oswald, your dog is--"

"Leave him, he just wants to sleep."

For obvious reasons, Edward wasn't able follow the short exchange between Master and the Tall Human. He could only hope, hope that whatever Master had just told him would persuade the Tall Human to leave him be. _Please,_ Edward thought, _let me stay. I'll be a good boy. I'm always a good boy._

For a single, terrible moment, he thought he was going to be pushed down the bed. He was pleasantly surprised when a hand came to rest on his back and, after a short while, it started stroking his short fur. In his sleepy haze, Edward was amazed to realise the hand that was petting him didn't belong to Master, but to the Tall Human. He let out a contented snort, letting his eyes fall shut and relaxing back on the soft blankets.

He could get used to this, he told himself just before drifting to sleep. Perhaps, sharing Master's love and attention with the Tall Human wasn’t going to be that bad. No, scratch that - it wasn't going to be bad at all.


End file.
